January 2004 Archives

Eye Candy at the Continental

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DJ Dan Dynotone says a little eye candy never hurts when you're playing a gig, so he invited me down to guest dj at The Continental Room in Fullerton last month. The truth is, that was only my third time as a club dj, and I was very nervous. Then this girl started asking me questions and I knew I was done for. She had a pen. And a pad of paper. Always a bad sign! Now, I go places with a pen and a pad of paper, and usually it's because I'm going to take a lot of notes about a show, then get drunk, lose the notes and whine to Jenifer about why I can't write the article. But this girl seemed sober. Great. I knew the next step was that I would end up in the OC Weekly and they would call me fat, or worse yet, "chubby." Humph.* I could tell I was about to be "Clubbed" by the charming Ellen Griley, so I did what anyone would do:

I tried to be nice, which is hard when you're nervous, and drinking a lemon drop martini and played a version of Bali Hai which has coded into it "Lovely Wanda" under the melody line. Apparently it worked!

Read Charming Ellen Griley's column and if you see a girl with a Bic and a pad of paper, buy her a drink!

*Apparently, certain writers at the OC Weekly think that "hard hitting journalism" means insulting people. No, that's just being mean and snotty. Thankfully, Ellen isn't like that.

Why Not to Have Kids: Reason # 12,742

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Michael sat next to me on the flight home from Las Vegas, Nevada, where I spent the holidays with my family. He's an angel, can't you tell? Michael was en route from Las Vegas, where his father lives, to Ontario, where his mother was picking him up. He started the conversation with "I farted." Don't you love the refreshing honesty of children? Charming now, but what about 21 years later?

Michael entertained me for the entire one hour flight. He asked impertinent questions, bit his pretzels into alphabet shapes ("A is for Apple, duh!") and kicked the seat back in front of him so hard that the woman in front of us started screaming. I thought that was funny. He also asked me to blow bubble gum bubbles and then popped them with his fingers. I thought that was less funny. I considered kidnapping Michael, but only for about a nanosecond. I'm sick that way.

The stewardesses had enough of Michael by the time I got on the plane, you could tell. They kept "shussshing" him. Like that's gonna work. They probably have children, too. It seems like people who have children frequently know very little about children. There's probably a name for that phenomenon.

I think its name might be Michael.

Happy New Year!

Howdylicious! is a radio show broadcast by DJ Wanda on KUCI 88.9 FM, Sundays 8-10pm - featuring rockabilly, psychobilly, alt-country, and old time western music.

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This page is an archive of entries from January 2004 listed from newest to oldest.

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